I've never wished for a wife.

I've got love for my uncle's kids, they are like my siblings, they have a respect for me in return and that's exactly what sustains our relationships. They are helpful too, thoughtful too, and they are good people generally. None of them is a thief, none of them lies, none of them is defiant, none of them is a social menace and indulges in alcohol, weed and cigarettes, hence good people. There's absolutely no reason not to cohabit with them, they are very decent compliant and honest individuals. 

However, kids are kids. The oldest is 18, the next is 16, the next is 13 and the last is 10 years old. They all have small minds and dreamy eyes, just exactly what children ought to be. With that they still exhibit a roaring potential to be independent and successful adults. On school holidays the two older brothers are able to generate their income through landscaping and gardening piece jobs to which they are well versed and I think they should specialize. The thirteen year old girl performs quite impressively academically and avails and promises a great academic success, and the youngster is very active and a socialite, there's quite a lot cooking there and we're yet to unveil where exactly his interests and strengths lie, his free-spirit reminds me of myself as a ten year old. 

Now, due to family misfortunes of losing a mother and their father suffering a stroke, I as a bigger brother have become their overseer. They have moved in with me and I have been held responsible for the schools they attend, their ID applications, their bank applications and everything which makes one a human being with an identity and in an institute of primary and secondary education, the youngest of them is soon to mature and scorn me for holding him back a grade. We all know it is a hassle running around to the home offices, to the Mhlahlandlela departments, to the Reigate district offices, to various schools, to the police station for affidavits, it has all been an incredibly taxing responsibility but things eventually got sorted and children are doing children things and going to school.

However, without all of this getting in the way of the context of the matter, there is a much greater parental responsibility which comes with living with children. It is one of the reasons I do not encourage taking care of children which aren't your own, and, having been brought up under outsourced parenting styles myself by guardians, family friends and relatives, I know what it's like to be raised by someone else and it's not pretty. I have always looked at it from a victim's lens but now as the overseer of such a situation I am understanding the overwhelming frustrations which anyone who has been held responsible for children may have been encapsulated by. When I think of myself as a kid I chuckle because I was quite a hard headed kid who always thought his dad was a super hero, I was such a free-spirited, outspoken and sociable kid, naughty too and arrogant, but at some point in my upbringing I encountered quite the spirit breaking occurrences from which I really shrunk and that's when I learned that the world didn't revolve around me and I couldn't do or be whatever I wanted. I've hoarded some traumas which have amounted to what I am today, and, I don't want to subject these children to spirit breaking treatments I've encountered which is why I don't recommend outsourced parenting. Parents ought to stand their place with the natural love they have for their children to prevent them from being broken, maltreated, abused and neglected by other people especially those with children of their own, but such healthy and active parenting cases are sometimes crushed by unforeseen circumstances. I've often observed children raised by their own parents, very jovial little ducklings which grow up under healthy parental security of feeling important and protected in the world, that standard has always brought out the best in people. When their children are bullied at school, their parent is at the headmasters office shouting on top of his lungs, on consultation or sports day their parents are vigorously there as their biggest fans, those things make one feel whole and eligible, and I think active and healthy parenting structures in the lives of children foster them well into their adulthood, so God help us.

Children are always subject to correction in almost everything, sometimes I think to myself "let me let this one slip" but you will find the same problem again in another fraction still unsolved. My siblings really set my screws loose in ways so diverse sometimes I think "maybe I am the problem,  maybe I've got drama", yet in actuality everything they do is just disorganized. I have developed some peeves I didn't know I could grow an annoyance off of, like why are the clothes you washed two days ago still on the line? I've developed parent-like statements such as "the washing line is not a wardrobe/do you want neighbors to know you've got clothes?", truthfully these are spurts I actually don't enjoy. Children cause such a mean language and behavior and that makes you feel miserable and complainative all the time, which isn't a good feeling. There is absolutely no polite way of simply saying "wash the dishes" without adding a little "do you want us to live with flies and roaches?" and these statements sound very mean in venecular and cause a frowning face, you can't say it smiling you just can't. Dishes don't get washed without me having to ask "who's on the roster today?", we get water-shedding often and when we run out of water the kids leave the taps open, I return from work and find water running and that is really so infuriating that sometimes I am thankful I get time to calm down and address it later but it recurs every time still. All of these things recur so much that you realize the mental disharmony you're going through and how it may emotionally trigger you to release anger, so I calm myself a lot of times. Just imagine getting home to dry clothes still on the washing line, a dirty room, unwashed dishes, unswitched bulbs and running water in the tub, urine stained toiled edge, and then later that night you return from work and find that someone forgot to switch off the stove, the juice you bought two days ago is now laying on it's last quarter, and someone is asking for a dollar to carry for lunch at school tomorrow.

When I think back to a time when I was a kid under someone's care, I remember I used to return home from school, throw my bag in the corridor, remove my uniform one by one from one shoe at the door to making a trail of all my clothes to which my tie was the last thing which led to the bedroom, furthermore I would go out to climb the house roof just to see what the view is like from the top until a neighbor reported me and I got canned to be nice. There is a day I found a magic marker and drew a danger sign of a skull and two crisscrossed bones on an electric meter lid, I was just naughty and I now understand the frustrations underwhich I've put those who were responsible for me to the point of being so fed up they abused me and caused me to vacate their premises. I remember I was denied toys whilst other kids had massive and plenty toys, my father sent me a phone and a camera and those things were sold away I never used them a single day. When I look at it now, even in it's wrongness, I really understand! But I wouldn't do that to my siblings because I know it's long-range consequences. There is a night the oldest of my siblings slept out without a notice and without a call, I was so stressed and paranoid about their whereabouts and I was ready to cane them as soon as they returned, but I eventually slept and woke up to their knock on my window at 5AM apologizing. I put some deep thought to expressing my anger on them with a belt and decided to give them a very strong lecture instead, otherwise the consequences of belting them or them refusing to be belted would've actually cultivated contempt and future problems as growing boys.

I have never wished for a wife as I do now, my only best parental instrument is communication, but it's hanging on the last string. Talking has helped solve some problems especially their own sibling disputes in the home, however there are some recurring things which I think require a woman's touch. Women are better dealers with children, their emotional capacity, well their anger is stable and sufficient enough to leave room for peace and harmony. Women can shout at kids everyday about linen on the line, unwashed dishes, unclean rooms  without getting tired but men get tired and we reach the last straw quickly and get really angry and do things we could regret. A mother's slap can be forgotten, actually you can get used to it but a father's slap is a big blow. If I had a wife life would so much better I'd be dealing with just the things she feels are too much for her, men discipline only once you know. Actually, kids must behave whenever mom says "do you want me to tell your dad?" But if the dad continues to be the monster he really becomes monstrous, so once in a while men must discipline and direct, otherwise constant manpower arouses or rather provokes wrath, defiance and contempt.