Dads aren't Darlings

Dads are absolutely incredible at establishing security for their children, they can fully demonstrate when there's need to exhibit protective conduct. Any maltreatment of and social injustices imposed on their children dads will clear it with absoluteness, they are willing to go all the way out to protect and provide, and, it gives their offspring a superego and ample self esteem. This is why a father figure is important in every child's life, the idea and assurance of being secure and important equips them well for this life. As a kid I felt untouchable, I always thought my Pops was a superman and could tell Bush the former American President to piss off with his atomic bombs. My father exhibited unrelenting power, he was my top G, and every child deserves to feel that way about their parents. 

However there is a point in the course of fatherhood where children reach a point of adoloscence all the way to maturity and Dads lodge there and then tough parental tactics on especially the boy child in bid to prepare him for the brunts of the world. This is a very rough and complex phase as the love turns bittersweet and tough, Dads really push to the edge and some to extent of breaking the relationship with especially the boy child; when I first fought with my Pops there was a cold unveiling which I wasn't prepared for, I questioned all past demonstrative and evident love and my worthiness to him. This however doesn't occur only at adolescent stage, some dads are generally characteristically rough men and treat their children as such from such a tender age without restraint, enticing despise. However such children grow tough skin amongst their peers, although some may eventually become bullies and engage in delinquent behavior.

A lot of young guys do not have rosey relationships with their dads, so much that this is actually a norm. It is actually strange when a young guy appears to be in totally good books with their father, or to be good friends with their dad, it's not common until late adulthood when they would've fully matured and grown considerate of rather important relationship particles and nuances. Such relationships, if they're in totally good books, are either caused by distance or that a very strong mother figure could utilize her feminine essence to consistently mend and harmonize them through forgiveness and soft character building, that's if the father exhibits tough love at all, or it may also be that the father is very lenient, spoiling and understanding. However if the father had been equally and evidently abusive to his wife, the son is bound to despise him greatly, it just means he's generally a dickhead! True fathers give their sons heck but exhibit much love to their wives and girl child, it shows balance and sanity. This is because fathers know what it takes to turn from a boy to a man and dare to take the ugly place to be critics, to be judgemental, to say the blunt truth about one's slothfulness one's failures one's embarrassment to the family, fathers can say all the seemingly hateful things without heart without care and without caution and restraint, so much to the point of their own undisclosed regret, but with genuine intentions to break sons out of egg shells. Some fathers can go to the extent of manhandling their sons out of fury and frustration, things they will later regret and crouch to the level of a humble explainative apology, if at all they are real men. I have witnessed this through my friend's family and his relationship with his Dad, my boy came to crush by my place at mid-night with his belongings and caught a flight out the country the next day to pursue a life of independence, he did well out of the country and earned well with his new job chopping life. He even sent money back home to his dad and contributed to a building project, which exhibits extensive maturity, but this I presume was likely because his mom was actively in-between him and his dad.

If I have learned something as a young man, it's that the older you get the more your existence must be of meaning even to your own parents, for you to feel appreciated and respected as a human being. When there aren't any achievements in your life or an ounce of purpose or trends of progress you will cease to see a smile on anyone's face or have any respect or hear any cheerful words, especially from your father. People are quick to recognize your insignificance than you are and your father is even quicker, he will pity and spite you to the edge until you make something out of yourself. It is unfortunate to me that there aren't alternative healthy parenting styles I am aware of to make a success out of children, so the only and best and last indeliberate option is fatherly tough love.

Every guy I know, who wasn't doing well but vacated their home after a man to man squabble with their Dad, is actually doing well in life. There is a belief that if you want to sustain a good relationship with parents, move out of home. Squabbles with Dads, although with genuine intentions, actually make a son feel maltreated, undermined and worthless. There is nothing more motivating, forging and driving in the world than attempting to prove an unbelieving and hopeless parent wrong, especially parents that spit on the floor and say things like "you will never be anything!", it's unfortunate some of the side effects of a father's tough love reman irrevocable and too sensitive to even reminisce on and amend especially without a mother figure in-between, so sons detach themselves from their Dads and just store away utterly disturbing experiences for their sanity and personal peace up until a time a man atones for them heartily, but generally when someone close to you proves you to be nothing you are bound to be driven to prove them to be something, and there is no better person to prove wrong than whomever's loins you came from. 

There is something I cannot quite put my finger on about the adoloscence transition of witnessing love shedding skin and turn into tough love, there there seems to be an implicit and subtle lesson that teaches that those you thought were going to protect and love you forever can turn against you, this is the part where deception is in your favor and it is incredibly character building and has a light bulb switch effect. It is deception to think that your father hates you but it is usually for your own good. There is a lot of esteemed and high ranking character in men that hold their tough loving Dads with honor and speak highly of them without picking bones despite all the preceding times they were defiant towards them badmouthed them and vacated home. Such men are usually successful and it'd have suddenly occurred to their conception that tough love built them for the better and forgiveness is a greater act of character. There is a point where you realize "if it wasn't for my father's blunt and seemingly hateful words, I wouldn't have made it". However, men that continue to despise their Dads lie on two premises, either that their fathers were utterly evil people or that they leaned too much on blaming their life's failures on their father's actions and words without considering and classifying them as tough love or utilizing the emotional turmoil to better themselves despite it's immensity. I have to admit it is mathematically challenging to assert if tough love is really tough love or literally scoff and loathe, being that you are immersed in the experience and your judgement is clouded.

The worst of guys I've encountered in life, guys that took on life from nothing and became significant, have non-compliant and very defiant relationships with their dads, they don't see eye to eye. These are guys that either punched their dads in the face, spoke back at their dads and are very disrespectful to their mothers. This is a worst case scenario and it isn't a consequence of a Dad's tough love but that of a Dad's abuse. These guys end up like their Dads but they are still able to utilize their upbringing's disturbances and traumas to motivate them to make something out of themselves regardless. There are complexities with such instances which I do not have expert knowledge and assumptions on but these are things that truely happen.

The girl child as well has character building perplexities due to a relationship with her mother. Usually, girls who are defiant or exhibit hostility towards their mothers, especially in poverty stricken and/or impoverished circumstances, turn to be very driving success forces to men they fall in love with. This is yet another complex story for another day but it doesn't assert that girls with healthy relationships with their mothers don't become a marital success, most high value women with a warm feminity foster endearing relationships with their mothers and furthermore entice a great success out of men they fall in love with. There is just something parallel about a woman's warmth and a father's wrath that achieves the same resultant, and that is making a man a success.