20's Still-Dating is not as bad as you think!

It's harder to date or find love in our mid-twenties but it's nothing to worry/rush about and I'm going to lay-out reasons why further into this epistle. 

Like most late 90s kids I had quite a great share of dating experience, flings and talking stages until I was 22. After 22 the roller coaster took me down hill and never brought me back to the crazy Melissas and Pretty Nickys. I've never felt so high up about a person ever since I was 20. The climbs and downslopes are there but it's no longer as exciting, the roller-coaster just seems to be at a slow pace and no longer rises to it's extreme high. Sometimes I worry it's dating fade, do you ever feel the same? Like you've lost your stance in the game and no longer have that thing? Sigh! 

Well I've got news for you, it's absolutely fine and you don't actually have to worry. It's already good enough that you've had a jol at some point in your life, you've had an experience with people in the dating scene, it's good you're acquainted with the idea of rocking your best fit, going out, spoiling someone and all of that jazz. That stuff never goes away but you know what goes away? Time! See this is the thing about 20's, we are putting a lot of time in working on ourselves our academia our careers and our enterprises. I don't know any one in their 20's who's not working on themselves, and with that going on, it is genuinely hard to share that commitment interpersonally. Apart from your daily life, relationships actually need time, funding and maintaining to function effectively, have you ever heard about relationship tools? Yah, that's what I thought. There's a lot of work in that realm and a span of kids in their 20's aren't steady on a personal, financial and social level. You guys are still crutching on mom and dad financially, you guys are still dealing with anxiety and depression, yah lots! Things aren't right, it's only a handful of youngsters with their ducks in a row who can push umjolo grand, but that's a chat for another break of dawn.

I've got a couple heavy reasons to support my take on why 20's still-dating is nothing to scratch your scalp about. First of all adult relationships are different from those we had when we were 19, 20, 21, that's if you're really serious and value the idea of a union because after 23 there aren't flings and nobody serious is trying to squander their time and portfolio, bear in mind that you are an adult after your 23rd birthday. Right, adult relationships require emotional maturity and support as we are all going through real life things, ey man this life is giving and these 20's aren't roaring! Adult relationships require leadership skills, social skills, conflict resolution skills, perseverance, hygiene, spiritual growth, yah lots, as opposed to those casual late teens relationships we keep having teenage fevers about. So, in essence, there's a lot of personal development coupled with spiritual, mental, social and financial development required for sustainability. You need to be in a solitary state to achieve these attributes and they take time. It takes time to figure out your placement on the face of the earth, it takes time to learn some basic leadership skills due to every person such as being communicative being consistent being honest standing by your word and not letting down being trustworthy being reliable, all of that. That's what makes one an eligible life partner, and, contrary to popular belief dating a lot of people doesn't make you a better partner as much as shagging a lot of people doesn't make you a sex God. People are different sexually and personally, learning to stick to one person sustainably makes you a better person, sleeping with one person makes you a better sex partner for them only as you learn their unique strings, notes and buttons but that's not the chat of the day today. You ought to confine yourself in a solitary state and work on yourself and by solitary I don't mean away and secluded from a social life. 

On a second reason you shouldn't worry about still-dating we have, and this usually raises contention, age gap advantage. A lot of people today yield to the popular belief that age gaps have no significance and that age is just a number, folks? Don't tide with the flock. It's taken for granted or rather ignorantly missed the golden purposes of age gaps I think because they expose the true and unique inequalities we have as man and woman. Well I'm am here to break it to you that contrary to popular belief age gaps are of high importance, 5 - 10 years is the actual standard. Why? Men become fully developed and eligible to prove themselves to the world at the age of 30, at this age men would have experienced life and personal development quite sufficiently enough to be mature, self aware and know their purpose, have a figured out career path or have established enterprises and therefore have financial security, also they're usually good leaders and are socially stable. This is not resonant to all men though as some reach this standard much earlier at 25 some much later in their late 30's, but 30 is evidently the common age for eligibility. Being the best era to court and marry, the target market is usually and rightfully women 5 to 10 years younger, the sweet spot, the spring chickens, amajongosi. At this point I know I've got your jaw dropped and you are ready to cook me, well I've got the time of the day to defend my point. They say when a father hands his daughter over to another man in marriage, he is handing her over to another father. That is, this man ought to support her academically/entrepreneurially, guide her career path and spirituality, be her pillar of strength and an effective leader. And, for a man to be eligible for this position he ought to have experienced life enough to be mature for the responsibility. Men are meant to make women's lives easier. Another thing is, while we work ourselves up in our not so roaring 20's, we lose track of our youthfulness transcending into adulthood, we fall short of the youthfulness we had in our late teens and very early 20's. So, by marrying someone younger, their youthfulness usually entices yours and all of a sudden life feels like a full circle and the roller-coaster is jump started and rises back on much higher rails.

Now to defend my take further on why a 5 - 10 years age gap is ideal in settling, I've got two parallel points I want to emphasize on. You see men work hard and live inherently hard and risky lives, men experience bone fractures, dislocations, joint twists, muscle tears and bone damages which heal in our youthful years but later backfire at old age. So, in essence, men get weaker and older faster than women and soon become babies. Hence why it is ideal to settle with someone much younger for the unconditional support and care at old age. We've beard witness to old couples where the woman exhibits much more strength and physical balance than the man. Also, women live longer than men, which is very important for the family, if there's anything that holds the family together it's motherly love. A father can die and it won't really matter, fathers are a pain the ass anyway. Fathers can have a bad day and return home in a bad mood and nobody will care or even notice but mothers? Haa everyone is going to be in a bad mood two fold. Fathers can return home elated but if the mother is not then everyone's tail between their legs. Yah so it's like that, suck it up.

On my second sidelining point, usually and unfairly a subject to pedophilia allegations and raises contention, is the aspect of sex. Sex is important in a relationship it is the greatest concept God has ever gifted to us so much that I think reproduction could of been made another way but God instead chose an insatiable pleasure. Sex ought to last and remain an insatiable phenomenon in a relationship, make up sex, argumentative sex, 3AM sex, overnight office quickies, construction site sex, car sex, kitchen sex, the kids are all in bed sex, all marital sex is blissful! Now, as men, we reach our 70's still sexually active. However, our counterparts, women, reach menopause much sooner than that. For some it gets really dry down there in their mid 50s and depending on lifestyle some can push till late 50s, but for some women they grow sexually averse in their late 40s.  And at that time as a man life is just beginning you're having throbbing borners like a 14 year old but if you'd married your age mate who's inversely beginning to lose appetite in the bedroom now what? Sexual starvation! Which actually emanates as sexual deprivation and quite predictably triggers disputes in the home which is usually a difficult situation for women as they can't discuss it because it bugs them as a new experience, it's hard to explain why you won't have sex because you no longer get stimulated but irritated. There will be accusations, misunderstanding and they will stop touching you. Whereas if the man had been older, he'd be mature enough to quickly read the room because he may have also been having glimpses of a loss of sexual appetite here and there. Bedroom disputes start with one day, then a week, a month, a quarter and so forth before two like-age people figure out menopause has dawned on them, by then someone would've already tasted the sweet silk sheets of infidelity out of sexual starvation and impatience.

So, settling with someone your age is not sustainable if you've got a long range perspective. It's cute to see young couples get corny and FOMO smacks you but it's worth the wait if you're focused. Still-dating, from my perspective, is like a bad road with mad potholes, many will spite it many will mock it many will criticize it, you will be called a "sgwadi mampara" but I promise you the day you readily allow a worthy woman into your life it will be like a road resurfacing like no other! You will become flat and neat it will be a redemption like no other and guess what? People will stop talking about how bad your road was, actually there will be a new fleet of traffic filtering into your route ie a new life a new beginning new blessings it will change you! Women bring blessings, the ones rightful for you of course, they compliment your life and make it as easier as you make theirs. So, it's worth the wait. 

The best inter-age couple I raise my thumbs for is that of Tendai Nguni (Tehn Diamond) (38) and Michelina Chindiya (Miss Chindiya) (29). That is the standard of a relationship, a union and a marriage! I always say that remaining single is hard enough but what must keep and compel you into remaining a stag is your honesty to yourself about your current state that you are not ready. I have watched my boys exchange-date month in month out without stability and thought man you need to be in solitary confinement, give yourself time for personal growth, personal and independent awareness, and, lastly, to acknowledge and fully heal from from a heartbreak, oans exchange 6 chicks to get over 1 and think they did a thing, it's never works ekse, it's just shifting a spanner. Heal and work on yourself without gassing up your esteem or inflating your ego by how many huns you can land a week, that's weak. It's not being a man.

Lastly, with experience I've learned that women go through quite a lot alone in this life. The women who are big on independence are going through a lot, it's already tough for men to be independent but I think for women it is even tougher. So, it's never a smart move to settle with a mature woman in her thirties when you are also 30. They have minds of their own, some are deep in debt, some, some in doggy shenanigans, some have a dark past, some have crazy body counts and are overstimulated you can't sate them, some have gone under abortion, barren wombs, some have experienced genital ritualistic practices such as frogs in vaginas or snakes in vaginas, some carry STIs, it's quite a lot, women are subjected to a lot of unspoken worldly injustices some voluntarily, there are a lot of problems grown/mature women may bring into your life and being a man you may attempt to account for those problems to demonstrate your manhood but fall into the pit, things like debt. However you may encounter a pure mature woman without dire issues in your 30's and love her to bits but the aspect of old age and menopause will still klaap you ekse! Not the best way to end an epistle about still-dating but I'm just saying relax and fish when you're ready. The dating scene is evergreen, every year theres a 23 year old for your 30 year old ass to start a fresh life with.