Relationship Direction

Gents I promise you there's better, I've seen better. You don't want someone whom upon every and any misunderstanding gets to wearing less and going out more, throwing ass at the club, you are not serious! My boy dated a stripper once, he loved her to bits, he actually wanted a kid with her but unfortunately by the laws of love they fell off, I was single then but I suffered relationship stress regardless, their break-up was snott & tissues I remember ranting at my poor heart broken boy not to lash out at me because his girl would phone me in a hoarse and teary voice explaining stuff, tbh their relationship was bigger than all of us at the time, we were so young!

Find someone with something that keeps them occupied and brings them joy, it's usually things they do with their hands; someone who writes or reads, someone who crotches or knits, someone who cooks or bakes, someone who plays an instrument or sings, someone who is into gym or tennis or any sport, someone who is inclined to serene nature walks and picnics in the woods, or someone who braids or plates, someone who painted or draws, there are vast things people have interests in depending on exposure and environment. You see relationship challenges fall on all people but most sustainable relationships are held by people with healthy happiness habits of their own, not people who're dependent on other people or eyes of people to generate their happiness. Character is carried by people who don't care to be seen doing things they love best.

The thing is gents know the exact woman they want. We know her just by first glance, how she carries herself, the pace at which she blinks or turns her head, her humility (ubuntu, nomzothi), her gracious aura, it's a lot but we just know it when we see it. Some of us have been with one at some point, she never left our conscious but remains the yardstick by which we pick and choose. They're rare man, so rare! Unfortunately a lot of guys have got the "all soap washes" mentality, they interchange women but couldn't sustain just one relationship, which renders them a people without relationship direction. Just because you couldn't find the woman you want doesn't mean you should drop your standards and settle for Noxolo from the shebeen. I've seen gents settle for one night stand tshwala huns because they knocked a fetus, I have respect for the responsibility but that isn't the standard. Better one who's single than one in an unnecessarily stressful relationship.

What is relationship direction? I had to remain single for a long time to understand answers pertaining to this question, in fact singleness I highly recommend for self improvement and self knowledge. You see the greatest decision you'll ever make in your life after choosing God as your personal savior is choosing your suitor, the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with. Such a choice is not manna from heaven, you don't ask God for a wife you ask God for a direction to choose one. Relationship direction is based on your value system. What are your values? Do they tick them? Some gents don't have values at all. They don't care about a bottle of beer in a woman's hand or stick of cigarette between her lips, those are values. They don't care about tattoos and piercings, those are values and emanate from strong cultural backgrounds. Gents don't care about revealing clothes and night life, those are values. They don't care about age gaps, they don't care about tribe, all soap washes. Actually caring or not caring, like politics, still impacts your daily life and still remains as a value system, the only difference now is whether it's a functional or dysfunctional value system for you, for instance tattoos aren't something which affects some people's value systems, rendering them functional, but it isn't the same case for Steve who is Methodist, rendering them dysfunctional. Look, you can't court a girl and begin to instruct her to cover herself and drink less or go out no more. You are controlling and that isn't necessary at all. You've got to court a girl already in line with your values system, you like them fully dressed? Go for her. You don't see any issue with tattoos? Go for her. As long you are pleases with your children turning up like her. 

Some people's value systems are culturally based some religiously based, some urban based. For instance a Zulu man will marry a Zulu woman to sustain ubukhosi besiko and language, that's his value. An Adventist man will marry an Adventist woman on the basis of equal yokeness and all else it entails, that's his value. So, when you know yourself your likes and dislikes and understand your preferences and where they emanate from and if it is a good place, you'll have a relationship direction. If the Kumalo women in your family do not have a single piercing why are you courting a pierced woman? Are you going to instruct her to stop wearing those earings? Well that could work with our elders but with ama2000 whom we're soon to seek marriage therapists with I'm sorry, things arent the same, in this world of high piercings and tattoo cultures I doubt you can influence someone hooked against it especially when their sisters or mother has them, who are you? The safest spot is within your values radius, it takes solitude to figure exactly what you're looking for. The difficult thing however about having a relationship direction is finding a suitor, you don't just court whoever, and it feels pointless hitting on a girl with six piercings when none of the women in your family have one. Which is why some gents always waste some women's time knowing from the very get go they weren't their type but just a tick off of some sort of bucket list.

I am personally not impressed by such okes who brag about girls they've dated or screwed, yis'bhoyi leso mfana. Khupha inkomo ufake ucingo ke sibone.