A Suicide Note

Why would I want to die when my eyes are instantaneously captured by a butterfly that flutters from out of the blue, or the Jacaranda petals that fall on the ground turning the field the tree surrounds into a purple carpet. Why would I want to die when I'm intrigued by how August winds send fallen leaves rolling like little wheels in the pathway, when my nose notices the September spring flowery fragrance without causing me allergens, or better yet, the nasal satisfaction of October's first rains on dust. Why would I want to die when I wake up to mocking birds in the morning and/or cycle into fresh untempered morning air and past a flock of bird nested trees sounding like seranading whistles. 

I wouldn't know the nature of suicide, I've never attempted it let alone yielded to it's claws. But seeing that it overwhelms life's greatest satisfactions, like cold water running down a thirsty throat, or a cool breeze on a hot day, it seems an incredibly monstrous occurrence to those it has devoured. Who am I now to judge? With little knowledge and experience? I can only presume preventative methods, and that is staying connected with the essence of nature. The smell of it, it's colors, it's motions, and it's vast surprises. I didn't know a mouse can sit like a baby and scratch the back of it's head, it came like a striking smile inducing surprise when I watched it. Suburban and township life have pushed us far from nature, better the suburbans who encounter squirrels, monkies, plants/vast trees and tribes of birds. We are pushed from contact with nature and only get sold to it via television. Yet it is through constant interaction with nature that we can remain sane and poise in spirit. We, Africans, are indigenous by origin, our lives weren't determined by purpose but by mere existence, by simply bearing witness to the endless magnificence of creation, trying out new plants and fruits in the tropical forests, that alone can make you whole without making you feel inadequate or hopeless. Hopelessness is an urban thing. So, whenever you feel inadequate, worthless and without purpose, take a walk into the woods, pluck a leaf and hold it against your face, feel it's coldness, hug a tree, listen to the birds, take a deep breath, feel air ooze out of your nose, feel alive, notice yourself walk, blink and swing your arms. That alone, makes you enough and worthy.